Thursday, September 24, 2009

Good stuffins

A big sigh of relief in the life department for me. My Pullen grandparents are going to be driving back from Utah on the 12th and said they would help me move some of my stuff down to their house in Mesa, where they're going to let me stay! I will have to ask the girl buying my contract to wait a little longer, however, and that'll be hard. But whatever day she wants to move in, I can just stay at Aunt Iva's for those days before my grandfolks are ready to leave. This means I've settled the following concerns:
*whether my car can make it to AZ
*having some boxes shipped to myself
*where i am going to live
*if i will get my retainers before i leave
PLUS I will have an extra week to finish packing and maybe meet up with some friends to say goodbye. I could also cover a couple of shifts that week if necessary. I could also meet with my counselor one last time.
Oh that reminds me! My Bishop called me out of the blue last night just to check up on me and say hi! Because he knows I'm leaving soon, and he referred me to my counselor, and he knows about a lot of the stuff that's been going on with my life. He cares about me!! Oh that's the best feeling!
By the way, I don't like to be told what I should feel. I think that's something I learned about myself recently.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dreams come true, but not always how you want

You know how some people have a list of things they want to do before they die? Well one of those things just got crossed out on my list. I found my brother and sister.
Long story short, after divorcing my dad, their mom took them across the country, changed their last names, changed their addresses and phone numbers, etc. The twins were just five at the time. The last time I saw them was Christmas of 2000. I probably haven't actually contacted them for some 4 or 5 years. Lately, I'd been having dreams about meeting them, so I would check to see if there was anything online about where they might be and how I could reach them. But now it seems secure; They've had Facebook for two days now, and I happened to do a search for them last night and found them. I knew this would one day happen, I just didn't know when! But I'm so excited to finally have a relationship with them! They asked me to call them tomorrow, and that makes me smile. I'm glad that they do not have a negative image of me and Chris. That would've torn my heart apart. There are still a lot of things that need to be resolved; it's quite overwhelming, but I just need to have patience. No change for good can happen overnight. It will take time and love and truth. I hope I can facilitate a change for the better.

Monday, September 21, 2009

A Little Hope

I was supposed to get my braces off today but was rejected since I had a little gap. Grr! Very disappointing. I have to wait until next Wednesday. But today was still fun, nonetheless. Just mostly hung out with my bestie. We played Guitar Hero, got some foods, etc. It was chill and fun.
Still looking for a job. Going to e-mail some more inquiries tonight. Some people back in Mesa have referred me to a couple of places I could live. If the rent and location are reasonable, I'd totally go for it. Chris called me the other day telling me that he mentioned to someone from our old ward that I was looking for a job and that I should expect a call. SWEET! My brother rules! We'll see if it works out. That would be awesome.
I can't believe I'll be moving so soon! It's hard to imagine. I'm scared and I don't want to leave. But only good things can come of this. I just have to keep telling myself that. -Sigh- At least I will have my family there to support me.
P.s. - I love Charlie the Unicorn - BAHahahahaaaa

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Drama Magnet

Barely awake for 4 hours and already this day has lived up to absolute suckage. BLAHHHHH.
First, I wake up to 16 text messages. One is from Chris asking why Mom is telling him, in essence, that I don't love her anymore, and 15 are the pictures I asked Jason to send me. Pictures that I just wanted to upload on my computer, that I would have to forward to my email. That's 30 texts... grr. Not as big of a deal, since he did do what I asked. It was my fault for not specifying.
Then, one of my facebook friends has people making irreverent references to body parts on her status. I replied, saying it was disgusting, and she replied saying that I need to relax, it was just Facebook, everyone has these parts anyway, sex is natural, blah blah blah. I replied that having sensitivity to morality issues doesn't make me uptight and that uptightness must be relative; and sure enough she deletes me from her friends and says she's not going to judge me but also doesn't want to be judged... WTF?! Hypocrite, much? Overreacting much? Mmmm yes. Chill pills definitely need to be prescribed here.
Then, one or two co-workers are going overtime this week and need me to come in early to cover them because of it. The problem is, all 3 carpooled to work together, so all 3 need to leave at the same time, which means that all 3 need replacements at 9:30. I had planned to see Jason tonight, since I didn't get to see him yesterday because of work....
All I want to do is see Jason. After all this stupid drama, I just want him to hold me and kiss my forehead and tell me I'm still awesome.
What a stupid way to start the day. Not even a little bit of Jason to make it all better. =(

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My Sweetest Blessing

Wow hey! It's Wednesday. Anyway...
There's a certain cleansing feeling that comes from getting rid of junk I never use. Today I went through bathroom stuff and a few more books. I probably wouldn't go through stuff of my own accord. It's only because I'll be moving soon. This is the plan still, anyways. I hope it works out. I don't even know where I'm going to live. Heh. Or work. Thankfully, I have last resort back-ups. That puts me quite at ease.

I am worried that I won't have enough time to study for the GRE. Ideally, I would take it next month, but I won't be ready at all. Late November at the latest. I'll see what I can do. I'm worried, though.

I bought another pair of earrings on Ebay. They're several little cubic zirconia surrounding a middle stone. They're size 2 gauge. They have screw-on backs, so they're much easier than the 4g ones I had, which were grooved for o-rings. These new ones make me look like I'm majorly blingin'.

For work/internship I'm putting together leadership outlines from a couple of books. The one I'm doing now is 7 Habits by Covey. It was really good for me to go through and read/review it, especially the first habit.... Be Proactive. I've realized that I've been more reactive than proactive lately, and I need to get over that. This has been a blessing to me.

Another blessing in my life has been my best friend, Jason. I don't know how I would've made it through this past year without his love and understanding. Those are two very deep words. Spelling the words out alone does not do justice to the weight of what he has done for me. This is something that matters SO much to me. It's good to feel the gratitude constantly. He deserves it. Love you, Jase! You know, I wouldn't have met him in the great circumstances that I did if I hadn't been struggling at the Phoenix. I wouldn't have been struggling at the Phoenix if I wasn't asked to switch from the Focus to the Phoenix. I wouldn't have been asked to switch if I didn't get the job at the Journey. I wouldn't have gotten the job if I didn't work in Veg Prep with a co-worker who suggested I apply. I wouldn't have worked in Veg Prep if I hadn't moved to Utah. I wouldn't have moved to Utah if I didn't get accepted to BYU. I wouldn't have gotten accepted to BYU if I hadn't been a good student. I wouldn't have been a good student if I hadn't had good role models and guidance. Thus, I attribute one of the greatest blessings in my life (Jason), to one of life's greatest blessings: good role models and guidance. I thank my Heavenly Father for the wonderful blessings he has so cleverly and graciously conferred on me.

Life is sweet.

Friday, September 11, 2009

A Maundering

I'm really proud of Jason with all that he's been working on lately. I'm really happy for him. I still wonder if it will feel right later on. I don't see why it shouldn't, but I guess I will just have to get worthy and figure it out. Grr, I hate not knowing. I know I have a choice in the matter; that's not the issue. The issue is how can I make the best choice. I don't want to go into anything with doubt or fear, but since I'm somewhat traumatized by constant divorce in my family, I think fear is going to be natural for me when it comes to this stuff. But I know Heavenly Father will help me out; He knows what's up.
I'm grateful to Jason for helping settle some of my concerns and stressors. I'm so glad he's still willing to help me figure stuff out. He's so handy like that. Makes me feel like I really need him -- for life skills, for emotional support, etc. He's a good man.

Right now I'm trying to learn several grips of new words. It's fun but also quite overwhelming. I hope I can remember them, or at least the root words. I just discovered there's a math section to this test. -sob- That'll be the worst of it.

I've found myself giving money to an increased number of charitable causes. It's mainly because it's asked for, and God commanded us to give of our substance - you know, from the stuff we've been given. That's like consecration, right? Well I wouldn't have mentioned it here publicly, but some have inquired so I thought I'd let them know the basics of WTF I think I'm doing.

Everyone and their mother (literally) is being let go from their jobs nowadays and that sucks. What kind of asinine (vocab word) individual must I be for voluntarily quitting and looking elsewhere? That's worrisome. There are few but significant cons to leaving Utah to which adjustment will be arduous (vocab word).

The night shift kinda sucks, but it has its perks. For instance, I can beguile (vocab word) the night doing whatever I want. Also, I've found myself starting to pity those who go to bed when it's still dark outside, as if they are children or something. Haha. Babies.... jk I'm sure no one is too jealous of my schedule.

I've picked up running again just within the last month or so. I didn't make it to my goal last semester, but over the summer I've generally maintained my weight. With more running, I am more hungry more often which can be adverse (vocab word) if there is a brownie pan nearby. I try to go a little further every day if I can. I went for 25 minutes today. I run about a 12-minute mile, so I went 2 miles today. I remember when I would go 4-5. Ha ha ~ Oh the hilarity. =)
K that's about it. Loves.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


So my family in Arizona has been begging me back since the day I left. I will have finished my undergraduate internship by the end of September and have planned on moving back then. I'm a strong believer in things working themselves out the way that God feels is best for me. This is how it works: I make a decision, then put my trust in Him. Every time I have done this, without fail, I looked back and heaved a sigh of relief at what would've probably been a worse scenario.
This time, I'm going to make the moves to get ready to go to Arizona, and if this is what will make me happiest, God will make it happen.
However, some things have come to my mind that I am stressed about. I don't know if my car can make it. I don't know whether I will have help carrying my stuff down to AZ or if I will have to ship stuff to myself. I don't have a job lined up yet. I don't have a place to live. I would've liked to be in Utah when I ask my professors for grad school recommendation letters, but I know I have other options of I am out-of-state. These are pretty big factors. I know I still have three weeks to figure it out, but that's not much time. Who knows? Things may just work out at the last second.
Yeah, I'm studying for the GRE. It's required to apply to grad school, which I want to do this year. My first choice is ASU because it's right there. I would also do U of A or BYU (only because it's cheap tuition, mind you). We'll just wait and see. Do they give scholarships to grad students? I still have a lot of learning to do. Especially within the likes of hundreds of new vocabulary words for this ridiculous test to which I've enslaved myself. Well, I'm a good test-taker so even if I'm suffering from brain deficiency, I can use logic and reasoning to figure out the answers.

Quote of the yesterday:
"No, Jakeb, the only true excitement out of life is from watching other people play sports and get paid millions of dollars doing it. Otherwise, life is not worth living. Just ask the starving orphans in Africa." ~ me
mmm yeah I disagree with the having people who get paid ridiculous monies and incentives to play sports. Their purpose is pure entertainment, like an actor or a singer. Really, I think it's bogus and that much money could be used for a lot more -- oh I don't know -- life-saving pursuits. It especially bugs me that zoobies are so obsessed about their football games. Get lives, people!

Today I get to work a 13.5 hour grave shift (yayyyy). o_o
I'm just staying to observe a process group and activity with the girls. It's for my internship. Ok time to study.

Leave me comments. =)