Sunday, January 24, 2010


I was just watching Tuck Everlasting and it got me thinking. I like movies that get me thinking. I've had a couple of scary death dreams lately. One in particular involved me being diagnosed with a terminal disease and I could die at any minute. I was still young, I had love, I wasn't ready to die. I was scared to fall asleep in that I might not wake up. I was scared of what I would find on the other side, if anything. What happened to all those people who lived before me? Tuck says something like don't be afraid of death, death -- like birth-- is a part of the wheel. Be afraid of not living a full life." We often forget the existence of a definite uncertainty: that we never know when our time on earth will end. It could be tomorrow, hit by a drunk driver. It could be in a few days, or in a few months, or a mere few years away. It could be further down the road. Whenever it is, we will never know. It is not for us to decide. God has us here for a reason, and he will relieve us of this burden of earth life when that reason is fulfilled. For some, such as a fetus, the only reason is to gain a body, and in the case of the fetus, perhaps teach an important lesson to his/her family. Everything you do affects everyone around you, and everyone who will come after you in some way. Life on earth is short. In a few years, I will start getting wrinkles and more gray hairs. A few years later, I will have loose skin and frail bones and probably be taking 16 different medications a day just to keep breathing. That's when it gets really scary... death is knocking at the door; it will come inevitably soon. How do older people deal with this fact? When I look at the faces of my family and those I love, I try to capture that image in my mind, because I know it won't be like that for very long. I know that one after the other, I will lose the people I love around me. I wonder how anyone can bear that!? The world is not the same when the people you love and once knew are no longer in it. I don't want to live in that world. The songs like Live Like You Were Dying send good messages about life... we can't control when we go, so it's best to take care of our business while we can, as best we can. Love deeper, speak sweeter, give forgiveness we've been denying... someday I hope I get the chance to live like that... I think someday can be today.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Shopping Bug

Things could always be worse. In fact, things could look like this:

But I am quite grateful that they do not. This was in Provo last year. I miss only a little of it, but I will NOT complain that the high in Mesa has been around 70 degrees Farenheit so far this January. Why am I talking about weather... that's boring.

Next, I shall venture into a discussion of what's new with me. So here goes. Last week I spent 40 hours in training for a job with no guaranteed hours (yay!) and had a job interview for a position with no guaranteed hours (yay! x wowwww!) and my application to ASU is due by the end of the week (yay! x joyness!). I am finally over that 2.5 week-long cough (yay! - sarcasm). I want a new cell phone. I want to learn to play the guitar and I want to record. I want to live in the book "Twilight" (stake me) and I want to fit in petite clothing again (yes, I did once upon a time). Some of these things are possible. Is it just me, or do you tend to want more when you know you can't have more? Stupid economy...
I don't like giving a wishlist to people for Christmas because then there are expectations, and nobody wants expectations for Christmas. But really, I should wise up and let people know, otherwise I get a lot of stuff I wouldn't have asked for. Not that I'm complaining about any of it... just that there are things I want more. Last night, I dreamt about shopping -- because I can't do it. I almost bought this purse that had "mood"/temperature detection capabilities, so it was always changing color on me. I thought it was just going to stay purple, but it didn't, so I put it back. Maybe I can go to D.I. and get myself one thing. I need a light coat that I can wear with any style of outfit in mild weather. Maybe I will do that today. I like having something new that I want. Is it materialistic of me? Absolutely. It's an improvement in quality of life. It can make you feel good, but it doesn't last, and it's EXTREMELY shallow. But a girl's gotta have clothes!
Ok, I'm going to do something productive now. Have a nice day. :)