Thursday, March 3, 2011

Panic/Anxiety Attack

On Monday night, I had a panic attack. At the time, I doubted that it was actually something worth labeling (I've always been so darned healthy, with nothing ever worse than bursitis and a few flu's). So here's what happened:
In the morning, I was just chilling in my room on my bed, relaxing back and playing a game on my phone. I started to get that feeling like something was stuck in my throat, deep down inside, as if I had swallowed something so big, I could feel the pressure in my esophagus. If I laid down flat, it felt like more pressure (heavier), but if I sat up, it eased slightly. I also felt the pressure in my throat, too. But when I was laying down, it was so heavy I found myself gasping for air, because I felt like I was choking. It was not enough to freak me out or have me worried, since I'd felt it before, although rarely. I coped with it, and it went away after about an hour.
Later, in the evening, I was laying down again on my bed playing a game, when I felt it coming back. My fiance said that it sounded like anxiety so we looked it up online. All symptoms of chest/throat heaviness pointed right toward anxiety issues, but I blew it off because I wasn't feeling anxious at all, and I figured it would go away like it did before. As my hunny was leaving for the night, we hugged as usual, but it was a little too much tightness for how pinched my chest & throat were feeling already, so I quickly backed off. I said, "I'm feeling claustrophobic", explaining to my fiance, so he understood. I must have been more traumatized by that feeling than I thought, because as soon as I turned around, I felt all my nerves on edge, and I collapsed into a fit of tears. I felt scared of my body, scared of anything. I didn't like how I was feeling with my throat pinched, and that it was getting worse, so I kinda freaked out. I didn't think I was going to die or anything, but for some reason, my body was completely prepared for it. I was in flight-or-fight response mode, high on adrenaline for my own survival. Although, there really wasn't anything to be so worried about. My baby held my arms, supporting me as he looked at the terror in my face and said, "You're having a panic attack". That just freaked me out even more, and I cried and cried. I got ahold of myself a little bit, and when I had calmed down, he took me outside for some fresh air. The cool night air lightened up the weight on my chest a little. Feeling better, we went back inside, although my nerves were still hypersensitive. They quickly got even more sensitive, so I told my fiance to get my Xanax. I collapsed on the floor in another fit of extreme fear and crying, the crying of course being a result of the fear. I guess the right word would be panic: "a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety", which is exactly what I felt. But the weirdest thing is: there was no rhyme or reason to be panicking! So I felt crazy as the panic set in, since there was no reason for me to feel this way. I kept telling myself I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. I crawled to my bed, and laid down, repeating these words to keep myself in control; I did NOT want that to happen again. My nerves were extremely hypersensitive, almost uncontrollable. But I fought it with "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." As my hunny brought me a pill, I just tried to lay as still as possible, trying to get my muscles to stop their spasms. I would not let them take control of me again. My fiance put on some Discovery show at my request; I assumed that would be enough to distract me but not enough to overload my senses. Eventually, I was able to lay completely still without moving, and eventually I returned to normal, followed closely by extremely drowsy.
Nothing even close has happened the rest of the week. Although, the following day, I was more purposefully anxious that it would happen again. Since I had read that being worried about a panic attack is a good cause for one to happen, I tried really hard not to think about it. I also noticed I was feeling a little lightheaded... aftershock?
Anyways, that's what happened and exactly how I felt. I guess if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I love my new lashes

Well, it's been over 6 months since I started using Careprost for eyelash treatment, and just look at these lovely lashes. I have mascara on, and I did pencil my eyebrows a bit, but not nearly as much as I used to put on! Here are some recent photos, then I will put up before pix:

Now here is a progression over time!