Sunday, April 22, 2012

Create a post. Man, blogger has changed it's layout a lot. Itt was very confusing trying to find out how to just make a stupid post on here. The reason I want to so bad right now is because I think I drank too much Delsym and so I'm extremely loopy. Basically, I'm high. Jason did a lot to try to take care of me and put me to bed, but I couldn't sleep so when I came out of my room, he got upset and all bothered because of me. I feel bad about that. He was gonna stay to make sure I would be ok, but he just left a little bit ago, didn't even look at me or give me a hug, just up and left. I know he is worn out from work today, having to prompt kids 20 million times. But come on,... help me out here. I don't know but I worry about him. I worry that he doesn't care about me as much as he used to. Like I just tend to piss him off all the time. Or bug him, at least some of the time. I feel so bad, I wish Yeah he's mad, he just texted me. Why would he do that? He knows I'm messed up on Delsym. I got a tiny sting in my eye from wanting to cry but it was very easy to forget that feeling just now. I apologized and stuff. Don't know what else to tell him, I'll make more sense tomorrow. He doesn't understand right now. I'll be able to explain it when I'm sober. Man, I can't feel anything. I feel things I touch. I feel cold air. I said it was like an iceburg earlier. Haha. So dramatic. It feels soooooo weird. Ok I have some touch with reality. I know I am conscious, I recognize my surroundings. But I feel like my nerves are dulled, and my reactions are slow. It's hard to focus my eyes, they are also slow. A few times, I've wanted to feel anxiety in my stomach, or rather, I should have felt anxiety in my stomach but when I went to reach in my mind to see how my stomach felt, there was nothing. And then pretty soon, I forgot why I should be anxious at all. The whole reason I drank that shit was to get rid of this cough, but it hasn't even done that! I still feel like crap, but even worse now because I can't even control myself right. I want to sleep, I'm very drowsy, but I keep coughing, and cough drops taste and feel weird in my mouth, I don't like them now. I should prop myself up on some pillows to ease the pressure, so I cough less. I was looking at some info about Delsym online when a piece of mud from my screen background ... I thought it was a bug or something... like it was moving. It was weird, but I knew it wasn't real, and I told Jason. He did laugh at me sometimes, like I did, but I think in general, he was just annoyed. I feel like my body is separating....... spinning on the inside. Rotating in place. Weird, I thought I was going to leave my body. Weird, I stilll do. Shake it off. Like it ain't real. Wow.... such a strange feeling. I don't know how else to describe it. Something is trying to spin me. It pulls from the inside, from the mind, from the middle. But I know what reality is, still. And I'm not letting go; I don't think I can. Just like I don't think I can be hypnotized. Or that I can die. I bet dying feels a little like this sometimes. The part where you feel like you are detaching. I should lay down and try to sleep. My sinuses are stuffed, I keep coughing, and my throat feels dry. Stupid sickness.

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