Poly- what?

So that weird sleep thing? Yeah, worked for that one day only. I tried to pull an overnight at work after a 30 minute nap and it was the worst time trying to stay awake that I've ever had. Sure, caffeine could've helped and maybe a nap if I'd gotten a break, but by 11:00 I was yawning almost nonstop. So THAT definitely won't work. I just feel the best when I get a full night's rest, and I don't need energy drinks to help me feel happy and alert. But that's just me.

Polyphasic Sleep

I have long since believed that sleeping was a necessarily evil. Yes, it felt  great, but I always wish there were more hours in the day. I envy Stephanie Meyer's non-vampires who don't ever need to sleep at all, on top of already having an infinite amount of time to live. I think that may be the appeal to me; the less I sleep, the longer my conscious life may be. Life is so short anyways.
Since I have begun working an occasional overnight job and an occasional day job with short, sporadic hours, I have officially decided to start a polyphasic sleep cycle. I'm going to go bold and try the Dymaxion cycle which means I will take a half hour nap every six hours, for a total of 2 hours of sleep per day. How productively awesome would that be? So productively awesome!
So here's the scoop: I slept for 4 hours yesterday afternoon and worked the overnight, with a 15-minute nap on my break at 12:00 AM. This morning I slept from 8:30 AM to 10:00 AM (1.5 hours - this was before I knew this sleep cycle existed). And I just woke up from about a 20-minute nap 3:40 PM to 4:20 PM (it took me ten minutes to fall asleep, then I got woken up by a text in the middle of it). So I am due for a 30-minute nap at 9:15 PM to 9:45 PM, which will be perfect for right before I go to work. If we have enough staff for breaks, I will take my break at 3:00 AM, or as close to it as I can get for another 30-minute nap. Then I will finish up work, go home and take a nap at 9:00 AM. I have a chunk of work until 3:30 PM so I will take my nap as soon as I get home.
Let me try to organize this:

6/22/12

12:15 AM - 12:30 AM  (15 min) - I was over-tired from excessive sleeping the day before and not being                 used to being up so late. I needed my trusty friend, Caffeine to keep me up.

8:30 AM - 10:00 AM (1.5 hours) - Very easy to fall asleep and I had a vivid dream of suffocating (how nice). I felt so comfy in my bed I did not want to get up, but I found it easy to do so. I was kinda tired at work, but not drowsy.

3:50 PM - 4:20 PM (30 min) - I felt I was cheated because it was interrupted by a text (I will have to find a way to ameliorate this situation for the future), so I feel the same tired-but-not-drowsy as before I took the nap.

Eh, I do better with diagrams. I am very looking forward to my 9:15 PM nap, and I am really hoping it's going to be  the power nap I need to get me through the first half of my shift!

So, if you're still reading and you haven't been confused away by all these times and rambling, I will keep up with this schedule no matter what it takes for at least one week. I'm not sure how well 2 hours of sleep is going to work out, so I don't really want to promise longer, in case it turns out I'm insane for trying and I want to destroy all mortal lives I come in contact with. But if it doesn't work out, then I will switch to a cycle that has more hours of sleep. I will keep updating regularly.

Create a post. Man, blogger has changed it's layout a lot. Itt was very confusing trying to find out how to just make a stupid post on here. The reason I want to so bad right now is because I think I drank too much Delsym and so I'm extremely loopy. Basically, I'm high. Jason did a lot to try to take care of me and put me to bed, but I couldn't sleep so when I came out of my room, he got upset and all bothered because of me. I feel bad about that. He was gonna stay to make sure I would be ok, but he just left a little bit ago, didn't even look at me or give me a hug, just up and left. I know he is worn out from work today, having to prompt kids 20 million times. But come on,... help me out here. I don't know but I worry about him. I worry that he doesn't care about me as much as he used to. Like I just tend to piss him off all the time. Or bug him, at least some of the time. I feel so bad, I wish Yeah he's mad, he just texted me. Why would he do that? He knows I'm messed up on Delsym. I got a tiny sting in my eye from wanting to cry but it was very easy to forget that feeling just now. I apologized and stuff. Don't know what else to tell him, I'll make more sense tomorrow. He doesn't understand right now. I'll be able to explain it when I'm sober. Man, I can't feel anything. I feel things I touch. I feel cold air. I said it was like an iceburg earlier. Haha. So dramatic. It feels soooooo weird. Ok I have some touch with reality. I know I am conscious, I recognize my surroundings. But I feel like my nerves are dulled, and my reactions are slow. It's hard to focus my eyes, they are also slow. A few times, I've wanted to feel anxiety in my stomach, or rather, I should have felt anxiety in my stomach but when I went to reach in my mind to see how my stomach felt, there was nothing. And then pretty soon, I forgot why I should be anxious at all. The whole reason I drank that shit was to get rid of this cough, but it hasn't even done that! I still feel like crap, but even worse now because I can't even control myself right. I want to sleep, I'm very drowsy, but I keep coughing, and cough drops taste and feel weird in my mouth, I don't like them now. I should prop myself up on some pillows to ease the pressure, so I cough less. I was looking at some info about Delsym online when a piece of mud from my screen background ... I thought it was a bug or something... like it was moving. It was weird, but I knew it wasn't real, and I told Jason. He did laugh at me sometimes, like I did, but I think in general, he was just annoyed. I feel like my body is separating....... spinning on the inside. Rotating in place. Weird, I thought I was going to leave my body. Weird, I stilll do. Shake it off. Like it ain't real. Wow.... such a strange feeling. I don't know how else to describe it. Something is trying to spin me. It pulls from the inside, from the mind, from the middle. But I know what reality is, still. And I'm not letting go; I don't think I can. Just like I don't think I can be hypnotized. Or that I can die. I bet dying feels a little like this sometimes. The part where you feel like you are detaching. I should lay down and try to sleep. My sinuses are stuffed, I keep coughing, and my throat feels dry. Stupid sickness.

Update 2012

Wow, it's really been a year now? I haven't visited this blog in a while. I'm sure no one else has either, haha. Well I wanted to read about the anxiety attack I had because I've been feeling a little bit of tightness in my throat lately, but work has been very stressful. I keep half- and quarter- cuts of Xanax in my pockets just in case it gets too much for me. Since it seems to creep up whenever I'm stressed, I'm thinking that last year the anxiety got out of control because I had been laid off from work and not having much luck finding a new job.

As for my eyelashes, I've reduced how often I put on the Careprost to about 2-3 times a week. And, honestly, my lashes are still full and long but not as much as when I had been using it every day. Since I know it takes 12 weeks from the time I start applying it every day, I know I won't see the results for a while but I miss how long they used to be! So I'm probably going to go back to applying Careprost DAILY.
My mom noticed my lashes and I shared a few bottles of Careprost with her and -- her lashes are amazing! She loves the stuff and I gave her some more for Christmas. But she was going through it pretty fast so I told her she only needs about half a drop. I have 2.5 bottles left still. I hope by the time I need more, it won't be off the market or have the price jacked up too high.
I don't remember if I mentioned this side effect: if I happen to get any Careprost in my eye, I notice that within that week I experience either too much or too little pressure in my eye to where parts of my peripheral vision seem to go temporarily blind (like when you push on your eyeball for too long and things start to fade). But it goes away after about half an hour. I have tried to be very careful to not get it into my eyes and haven't had this problem since.

As for normal life, WORK IS SO STRESSFUL! Yeah I said it twice, but I mean it twice. It's just too much for me. Maybe there are other folks who can handle it but I am most certainly not the type. I shouldn't have to come home crying every night, with my brain hurting. I've put in a request to switch my schedule to the overnights, but they seem pretty adamant about keeping me on the swing shifts. I will keep trying. Maybe switch to POOL only, so I can pick which days I work and which times and HOW OFTEN! Ha... love that part. Or maybe I will pursue a different career altogether. I've been saying a lot of prayers on the subject, and I'm hoping that the Lord will help me out on this, as He usually does when I ask.

About when I'm getting married to Jason: Still waiting to hear from the First Presidency, but of course, now they're getting ready for General Conference so we're experiencing even more delays. It's like we've gone through so many (delays) that more would almost be welcome because its the norm, and I'm afraid of what it might possibly be like to be moving forward, being that it is such a foreign concept. The right person, at the right time, by the right authority. So I'm just hoping that the Lord's timing is best, as usual, and I'm counting on that so I don't give up. Unless He wants me to? I don't know how to read any of it. I asked Him to put up roadblocks if it's not meant to be, but this feels equally as trying as a test of faith, so I'm not sure how to interpret it. I know I need the Spirit more in my life to figure it out, so that's what I'm working on.

Panic/Anxiety Attack

On Monday night, I had a panic attack. At the time, I doubted that it was actually something worth labeling (I've always been so darned healthy, with nothing ever worse than bursitis and a few flu's). So here's what happened:
In the morning, I was just chilling in my room on my bed, relaxing back and playing a game on my phone. I started to get that feeling like something was stuck in my throat, deep down inside, as if I had swallowed something so big, I could feel the pressure in my esophagus. If I laid down flat, it felt like more pressure (heavier), but if I sat up, it eased slightly. I also felt the pressure in my throat, too. But when I was laying down, it was so heavy I found myself gasping for air, because I felt like I was choking. It was not enough to freak me out or have me worried, since I'd felt it before, although rarely. I coped with it, and it went away after about an hour.
Later, in the evening, I was laying down again on my bed playing a game, when I felt it coming back. My fiance said that it sounded like anxiety so we looked it up online. All symptoms of chest/throat heaviness pointed right toward anxiety issues, but I blew it off because I wasn't feeling anxious at all, and I figured it would go away like it did before. As my hunny was leaving for the night, we hugged as usual, but it was a little too much tightness for how pinched my chest & throat were feeling already, so I quickly backed off. I said, "I'm feeling claustrophobic", explaining to my fiance, so he understood. I must have been more traumatized by that feeling than I thought, because as soon as I turned around, I felt all my nerves on edge, and I collapsed into a fit of tears. I felt scared of my body, scared of anything. I didn't like how I was feeling with my throat pinched, and that it was getting worse, so I kinda freaked out. I didn't think I was going to die or anything, but for some reason, my body was completely prepared for it. I was in flight-or-fight response mode, high on adrenaline for my own survival. Although, there really wasn't anything to be so worried about. My baby held my arms, supporting me as he looked at the terror in my face and said, "You're having a panic attack". That just freaked me out even more, and I cried and cried. I got ahold of myself a little bit, and when I had calmed down, he took me outside for some fresh air. The cool night air lightened up the weight on my chest a little. Feeling better, we went back inside, although my nerves were still hypersensitive. They quickly got even more sensitive, so I told my fiance to get my Xanax. I collapsed on the floor in another fit of extreme fear and crying, the crying of course being a result of the fear. I guess the right word would be panic: "a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety", which is exactly what I felt. But the weirdest thing is: there was no rhyme or reason to be panicking! So I felt crazy as the panic set in, since there was no reason for me to feel this way. I kept telling myself I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. I crawled to my bed, and laid down, repeating these words to keep myself in control; I did NOT want that to happen again. My nerves were extremely hypersensitive, almost uncontrollable. But I fought it with "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." As my hunny brought me a pill, I just tried to lay as still as possible, trying to get my muscles to stop their spasms. I would not let them take control of me again. My fiance put on some Discovery show at my request; I assumed that would be enough to distract me but not enough to overload my senses. Eventually, I was able to lay completely still without moving, and eventually I returned to normal, followed closely by extremely drowsy.
Nothing even close has happened the rest of the week. Although, the following day, I was more purposefully anxious that it would happen again. Since I had read that being worried about a panic attack is a good cause for one to happen, I tried really hard not to think about it. I also noticed I was feeling a little lightheaded... aftershock?
Anyways, that's what happened and exactly how I felt. I guess if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

I love my new lashes

Well, it's been over 6 months since I started using Careprost for eyelash treatment, and just look at these lovely lashes. I have mascara on, and I did pencil my eyebrows a bit, but not nearly as much as I used to put on! Here are some recent photos, then I will put up before pix:

Now here is a progression over time!

Week 17 update

So this is supposedly when I should have maximum results. The pictures for this week don't flatter my lashes quite like the last update's did... it was a different angle, but the lashes are even longer (and I have more of them) than in the previous post. Here's a short update, but soon I will go all out and take lots of pics with good angles, so you can see. I'll also post before/after pics.

After 16 weeks (curled, with mascara, and penciled brows):