Hello! It's been forever and a day!
I have had a lot of ideas coming to me so I felt that I should be writing a lot of different articles on two particular subjects that I want to share more information about. They are:
1. Proactive parenting
2. Cognitive distortions
So I guess in a way, it will be a combination of what I've learned from being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what I learned in working with youth in drug, sex, and behavioral rehabilitation - a little bit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Transforming the Difficult Child, Parenting with Love & Logic, things like that.
I'm very passionate about these subjects and here's why. First of all, parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual. Most of us are just kind of guessing what the right thing to do is based on how our parents raised us and what worked for us. Some of us get insights from books or friends or a new lifestyle, but some of us don't. I want this information, which is normally charged for in books and websites to be free and accessible education for everyone, because I believe that if we invest in children, we invest in our future. If we educate kids early on how to manage their feelings, treat others well, have morals, have patience and compassion, and raise their own kids, we will begin seeing a completely transformed generation of people with less crime, less hatred, less anger, less impulsivity, less making poor choices, more thinking ahead.
Many people have more intense issues and struggles. In that case, I really do suggest 1-on-1 therapy to process your trauma. It may cost little to nothing, depending where you look. This is more of a collection of generalized information than a direct care service.
I understand the need for people to make a living and get paid for what they know and are capable of, so I understand why psychotherapy and counseling services cost money. Some people can afford it, some people can't, but most people who need it don't get it. And I believe it should be a required piece of education! It's not taught in schools, it should be taught at home. But I believe many caregivers could be better equipped with the supportive education offered by therapy and could be more effective as leaders in their homes.
I have been trained in PCI and crisis management, taught psychotherapy groups, guided kids towards taking control of their lives, been a behavior coach, studied and been fascinated with psychology most of my adult life. I'm not a professional anything, but what I know and what I offer is a wealth of knowledge that can benefit at least one person. And that's really all I hope to do.
Friday, November 9, 2018
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Since I Stopped Using Careprost
I had been a religious user of Careprost since my first order in 2009 when they were $10.00/bottle and I stopped using it a few months ago. I must say that I am pretty sad about it. It was an easy decision, though. Since it's best to order the bottles in large quantities, it was not possible for me to justify dropping $80-90 on a beauty product with a baby on the way. Since I'm the primary breadwinner in our family while my husband is in school, and I will be out of work for 12 weeks, we have had to cut out some unnecessary desirables from our budget. Sadly, my Careprost didn't make the cut and I ran out of product in July.
A few weeks after I ran out, my lashes and brows became noticeably shorter and less voluminous. I try to compensate with extra mascara but it's just not the same. Some days I consider putting on false lashes but they just look too fake, take up too much of my morning routine, and I don't like how they feel. The good part is that being pregnant means less of my head hair sheds, so that feels thicker! I do love that.
When the hubster graduates and gets a steady income, I will definitely be ordering a huge supply of Careprost to last me another 5+ years! And order some extras for my mom and aunt who have also come to love the stuff.
A few weeks after I ran out, my lashes and brows became noticeably shorter and less voluminous. I try to compensate with extra mascara but it's just not the same. Some days I consider putting on false lashes but they just look too fake, take up too much of my morning routine, and I don't like how they feel. The good part is that being pregnant means less of my head hair sheds, so that feels thicker! I do love that.
When the hubster graduates and gets a steady income, I will definitely be ordering a huge supply of Careprost to last me another 5+ years! And order some extras for my mom and aunt who have also come to love the stuff.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Why Yelling at Your Child Doesn't Work
Should seem like a no-brainer. Yet, in the moment, it's a difficult thing to control. How about a scenario?
Chris and Brian are two young brothers about two years apart. Chris is the bossier, rambunctious older brother, and Brian, his quiet, gentle counterpart. They play well together, but sometimes Chris is a little too rough when he plays. Chris begins grabbing at Brian's face playfully.
"Chris, keep your hands to yourself, bud," you say calmly. Yet, it seems like maybe you are invisible, because he's now hitting Brian's face, and Brian is a little bit in shock. And so are you.
"Chris! Stop that!" He stops and looks at you, and you give him a time-out. But he begins to whine: "Nooooo.... I don't want a time-out!"
"Get going" you say, and maybe stand up and get closer in case you need to guide him. His reaction is to whine louder, almost shouting, "No! I don't want to!" and kicking his feet in your direction. You give him some space, try bribing him with special things he can earn afterward, give him a time limit to get there, etc. Nothing works, he acts like he's going to go, but as soon as you turn your head, he's inching his way out of time-out.
Now you mean business. You grab Chris and make him look you in the face and say "Get in that corner right now, or so help me...!" His eyes widen with fear and he begins to cry uncontrollably, but is submissive.
Did yelling work? It depends on what your goal was. If your goal was to win by any means necessary so he would learn his lesson, then yes, yelling worked. For now. The problem is with the goal, not the method.
Children are born into the world, having no concept of morals, roles, identity, etc. until another human shows them what it means to be human. It is the adult's responsibility to TEACH the child the ways in which he or she should go, and how to behave. Is it the child's fault they don't understand or haven't learned to listen the first time you say something? No, the child needs to be taught how.
1. He won't listen to you unless you're yelling.
In making your goal short-sighted, to "win" the battle with your child, you also short-change him. While you are busy winning, you are teaching him that he is only doing wrong if you are yelling. As long as you are not yelling, he is doing just fine. You have just trained him not to take you seriously when you are speaking calmly, but only when you are angry and in his face with threats.
2. He lost respect for you.
He has learned not to respect you, because when you are calm, you hold nothing to the power and fear you can instill when you are yelling. Then, when he obeys to a yelled order, it is out of fear, not respect.
3. He will start yelling at you.
By far, the best way children learn is by example. It starts with clapping, saying "Mama" or "Dada", repeating what you do, and what you say. It is the primary mode by which children learn. Since children only know what they have been taught, yelling at your child teaches them that calm communication fails: you must yell and threaten to see results. This will carry on as truth until he is shown another way.
4. His behaviors won't change.
But they did, you think, he went to time-out. He will continue to hit his brother, he will continue to blow off your first prompts. Again, because you trained him not to listen to you when you're calm. If you say "Stop hitting your brother" and "Go to time out" with a calm voice, those will be ignored, because he feels he is not really in trouble unless he is being yelled at. That is the limit that has been set by you, so that is the limit he will go to.
If you have to resort to yelling almost every day with your child, then it is obviously NOT WORKING. A great quote I try to remember is, "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always gotten" (Anthony Robbins). Yelling more won't fix it, either. It's time to give yourself and your voice a break! You don't have to yell to get your children to follow your directions; it only makes things worse. For what to do instead, I suggest "Parenting with Love & Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay as an effective approach to gaining compliance with your child. I think I can share some of the basics, but that's another post for another day.
Chris and Brian are two young brothers about two years apart. Chris is the bossier, rambunctious older brother, and Brian, his quiet, gentle counterpart. They play well together, but sometimes Chris is a little too rough when he plays. Chris begins grabbing at Brian's face playfully.
"Chris, keep your hands to yourself, bud," you say calmly. Yet, it seems like maybe you are invisible, because he's now hitting Brian's face, and Brian is a little bit in shock. And so are you.
"Chris! Stop that!" He stops and looks at you, and you give him a time-out. But he begins to whine: "Nooooo.... I don't want a time-out!"
"Get going" you say, and maybe stand up and get closer in case you need to guide him. His reaction is to whine louder, almost shouting, "No! I don't want to!" and kicking his feet in your direction. You give him some space, try bribing him with special things he can earn afterward, give him a time limit to get there, etc. Nothing works, he acts like he's going to go, but as soon as you turn your head, he's inching his way out of time-out.
Now you mean business. You grab Chris and make him look you in the face and say "Get in that corner right now, or so help me...!" His eyes widen with fear and he begins to cry uncontrollably, but is submissive.
Did yelling work? It depends on what your goal was. If your goal was to win by any means necessary so he would learn his lesson, then yes, yelling worked. For now. The problem is with the goal, not the method.
Children are born into the world, having no concept of morals, roles, identity, etc. until another human shows them what it means to be human. It is the adult's responsibility to TEACH the child the ways in which he or she should go, and how to behave. Is it the child's fault they don't understand or haven't learned to listen the first time you say something? No, the child needs to be taught how.
1. He won't listen to you unless you're yelling.
In making your goal short-sighted, to "win" the battle with your child, you also short-change him. While you are busy winning, you are teaching him that he is only doing wrong if you are yelling. As long as you are not yelling, he is doing just fine. You have just trained him not to take you seriously when you are speaking calmly, but only when you are angry and in his face with threats.
2. He lost respect for you.
He has learned not to respect you, because when you are calm, you hold nothing to the power and fear you can instill when you are yelling. Then, when he obeys to a yelled order, it is out of fear, not respect.
3. He will start yelling at you.
By far, the best way children learn is by example. It starts with clapping, saying "Mama" or "Dada", repeating what you do, and what you say. It is the primary mode by which children learn. Since children only know what they have been taught, yelling at your child teaches them that calm communication fails: you must yell and threaten to see results. This will carry on as truth until he is shown another way.
4. His behaviors won't change.
But they did, you think, he went to time-out. He will continue to hit his brother, he will continue to blow off your first prompts. Again, because you trained him not to listen to you when you're calm. If you say "Stop hitting your brother" and "Go to time out" with a calm voice, those will be ignored, because he feels he is not really in trouble unless he is being yelled at. That is the limit that has been set by you, so that is the limit he will go to.
If you have to resort to yelling almost every day with your child, then it is obviously NOT WORKING. A great quote I try to remember is, "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always gotten" (Anthony Robbins). Yelling more won't fix it, either. It's time to give yourself and your voice a break! You don't have to yell to get your children to follow your directions; it only makes things worse. For what to do instead, I suggest "Parenting with Love & Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay as an effective approach to gaining compliance with your child. I think I can share some of the basics, but that's another post for another day.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Props to Single Parents with Troubled Children
I may start a new thing on my blog and call it "Parenting Difficult Children: Advice from a Behavioral Health Paraprofessional" or something like that. Although many kids just have more challenging personalities, all have hope and all can be taught to mind their parents. So if you feel like you are sometimes fed up and don't know what to do, and have really tried your best; you don't have to rely on social services to help. Just pick up a few tricks from the handy dandy internet and see if they work for you!
The first bit, I'd like to talk about single parents who have a difficult child to raise. It can be even more challenging because you don't have a teammate to back you up. It's a lot more work, so I don't recommend single parenthood, if you can avoid it. But it's not all negative. In a way, it's good because you only need to be consistent with yourself rather than another person. You get to be the good cop AND the bad cop. I do give props to those who make it happen and work their tail ends off to take care of their kiddos. I don't know how you do it, but I know those kids are grateful you did not give them up for adoption or abortion. And one day, they will be adults who will be grateful. And grateful adults are very powerful beings.
Okay, let me know if you have a specific topic you want covered, otherwise I'll just keep going with whatever I happen to be working on with my clients.
Much loves all over. <3 p="">
The first bit, I'd like to talk about single parents who have a difficult child to raise. It can be even more challenging because you don't have a teammate to back you up. It's a lot more work, so I don't recommend single parenthood, if you can avoid it. But it's not all negative. In a way, it's good because you only need to be consistent with yourself rather than another person. You get to be the good cop AND the bad cop. I do give props to those who make it happen and work their tail ends off to take care of their kiddos. I don't know how you do it, but I know those kids are grateful you did not give them up for adoption or abortion. And one day, they will be adults who will be grateful. And grateful adults are very powerful beings.
Okay, let me know if you have a specific topic you want covered, otherwise I'll just keep going with whatever I happen to be working on with my clients.
Much loves all over. <3 p="">
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Poly- what?
So that weird sleep thing? Yeah, worked for that one day only. I tried to pull an overnight at work after a 30 minute nap and it was the worst time trying to stay awake that I've ever had. Sure, caffeine could've helped and maybe a nap if I'd gotten a break, but by 11:00 I was yawning almost nonstop. So THAT definitely won't work. I just feel the best when I get a full night's rest, and I don't need energy drinks to help me feel happy and alert. But that's just me.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Polyphasic Sleep
I have long since believed that sleeping was a necessarily evil. Yes, it felt great, but I always wish there were more hours in the day. I envy Stephanie Meyer's non-vampires who don't ever need to sleep at all, on top of already having an infinite amount of time to live. I think that may be the appeal to me; the less I sleep, the longer my conscious life may be. Life is so short anyways.
Since I have begun working an occasional overnight job and an occasional day job with short, sporadic hours, I have officially decided to start a polyphasic sleep cycle. I'm going to go bold and try the Dymaxion cycle which means I will take a half hour nap every six hours, for a total of 2 hours of sleep per day. How productively awesome would that be? So productively awesome!
So here's the scoop: I slept for 4 hours yesterday afternoon and worked the overnight, with a 15-minute nap on my break at 12:00 AM. This morning I slept from 8:30 AM to 10:00 AM (1.5 hours - this was before I knew this sleep cycle existed). And I just woke up from about a 20-minute nap 3:40 PM to 4:20 PM (it took me ten minutes to fall asleep, then I got woken up by a text in the middle of it). So I am due for a 30-minute nap at 9:15 PM to 9:45 PM, which will be perfect for right before I go to work. If we have enough staff for breaks, I will take my break at 3:00 AM, or as close to it as I can get for another 30-minute nap. Then I will finish up work, go home and take a nap at 9:00 AM. I have a chunk of work until 3:30 PM so I will take my nap as soon as I get home.
Let me try to organize this:
6/22/12
12:15 AM - 12:30 AM (15 min) - I was over-tired from excessive sleeping the day before and not being used to being up so late. I needed my trusty friend, Caffeine to keep me up.
8:30 AM - 10:00 AM (1.5 hours) - Very easy to fall asleep and I had a vivid dream of suffocating (how nice). I felt so comfy in my bed I did not want to get up, but I found it easy to do so. I was kinda tired at work, but not drowsy.
3:50 PM - 4:20 PM (30 min) - I felt I was cheated because it was interrupted by a text (I will have to find a way to ameliorate this situation for the future), so I feel the same tired-but-not-drowsy as before I took the nap.
Eh, I do better with diagrams. I am very looking forward to my 9:15 PM nap, and I am really hoping it's going to be the power nap I need to get me through the first half of my shift!
So, if you're still reading and you haven't been confused away by all these times and rambling, I will keep up with this schedule no matter what it takes for at least one week. I'm not sure how well 2 hours of sleep is going to work out, so I don't really want to promise longer, in case it turns out I'm insane for trying and I want to destroy all mortal lives I come in contact with. But if it doesn't work out, then I will switch to a cycle that has more hours of sleep. I will keep updating regularly.
Since I have begun working an occasional overnight job and an occasional day job with short, sporadic hours, I have officially decided to start a polyphasic sleep cycle. I'm going to go bold and try the Dymaxion cycle which means I will take a half hour nap every six hours, for a total of 2 hours of sleep per day. How productively awesome would that be? So productively awesome!
So here's the scoop: I slept for 4 hours yesterday afternoon and worked the overnight, with a 15-minute nap on my break at 12:00 AM. This morning I slept from 8:30 AM to 10:00 AM (1.5 hours - this was before I knew this sleep cycle existed). And I just woke up from about a 20-minute nap 3:40 PM to 4:20 PM (it took me ten minutes to fall asleep, then I got woken up by a text in the middle of it). So I am due for a 30-minute nap at 9:15 PM to 9:45 PM, which will be perfect for right before I go to work. If we have enough staff for breaks, I will take my break at 3:00 AM, or as close to it as I can get for another 30-minute nap. Then I will finish up work, go home and take a nap at 9:00 AM. I have a chunk of work until 3:30 PM so I will take my nap as soon as I get home.
Let me try to organize this:
6/22/12
12:15 AM - 12:30 AM (15 min) - I was over-tired from excessive sleeping the day before and not being used to being up so late. I needed my trusty friend, Caffeine to keep me up.
8:30 AM - 10:00 AM (1.5 hours) - Very easy to fall asleep and I had a vivid dream of suffocating (how nice). I felt so comfy in my bed I did not want to get up, but I found it easy to do so. I was kinda tired at work, but not drowsy.
3:50 PM - 4:20 PM (30 min) - I felt I was cheated because it was interrupted by a text (I will have to find a way to ameliorate this situation for the future), so I feel the same tired-but-not-drowsy as before I took the nap.
Eh, I do better with diagrams. I am very looking forward to my 9:15 PM nap, and I am really hoping it's going to be the power nap I need to get me through the first half of my shift!
So, if you're still reading and you haven't been confused away by all these times and rambling, I will keep up with this schedule no matter what it takes for at least one week. I'm not sure how well 2 hours of sleep is going to work out, so I don't really want to promise longer, in case it turns out I'm insane for trying and I want to destroy all mortal lives I come in contact with. But if it doesn't work out, then I will switch to a cycle that has more hours of sleep. I will keep updating regularly.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Create a post. Man, blogger has changed it's layout a lot. Itt was very confusing trying to find out how to just make a stupid post on here. The reason I want to so bad right now is because I think I drank too much Delsym and so I'm extremely loopy. Basically, I'm high. Jason did a lot to try to take care of me and put me to bed, but I couldn't sleep so when I came out of my room, he got upset and all bothered because of me. I feel bad about that. He was gonna stay to make sure I would be ok, but he just left a little bit ago, didn't even look at me or give me a hug, just up and left. I know he is worn out from work today, having to prompt kids 20 million times. But come on,... help me out here. I don't know but I worry about him. I worry that he doesn't care about me as much as he used to. Like I just tend to piss him off all the time. Or bug him, at least some of the time. I feel so bad, I wish Yeah he's mad, he just texted me. Why would he do that? He knows I'm messed up on Delsym. I got a tiny sting in my eye from wanting to cry but it was very easy to forget that feeling just now. I apologized and stuff. Don't know what else to tell him, I'll make more sense tomorrow. He doesn't understand right now. I'll be able to explain it when I'm sober. Man, I can't feel anything. I feel things I touch. I feel cold air. I said it was like an iceburg earlier. Haha. So dramatic. It feels soooooo weird. Ok I have some touch with reality. I know I am conscious, I recognize my surroundings. But I feel like my nerves are dulled, and my reactions are slow. It's hard to focus my eyes, they are also slow. A few times, I've wanted to feel anxiety in my stomach, or rather, I should have felt anxiety in my stomach but when I went to reach in my mind to see how my stomach felt, there was nothing. And then pretty soon, I forgot why I should be anxious at all. The whole reason I drank that shit was to get rid of this cough, but it hasn't even done that! I still feel like crap, but even worse now because I can't even control myself right. I want to sleep, I'm very drowsy, but I keep coughing, and cough drops taste and feel weird in my mouth, I don't like them now. I should prop myself up on some pillows to ease the pressure, so I cough less. I was looking at some info about Delsym online when a piece of mud from my screen background ... I thought it was a bug or something... like it was moving. It was weird, but I knew it wasn't real, and I told Jason. He did laugh at me sometimes, like I did, but I think in general, he was just annoyed. I feel like my body is separating....... spinning on the inside. Rotating in place. Weird, I thought I was going to leave my body. Weird, I stilll do. Shake it off. Like it ain't real. Wow.... such a strange feeling. I don't know how else to describe it. Something is trying to spin me. It pulls from the inside, from the mind, from the middle. But I know what reality is, still. And I'm not letting go; I don't think I can. Just like I don't think I can be hypnotized. Or that I can die. I bet dying feels a little like this sometimes. The part where you feel like you are detaching. I should lay down and try to sleep. My sinuses are stuffed, I keep coughing, and my throat feels dry. Stupid sickness.
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