Stacy's Schema

Panic/Anxiety Attack

2011-03-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

On Monday night, I had a panic attack. At the time, I doubted that it was actually something worth labeling (I've always been so darned healthy, with nothing ever worse than bursitis and a few flu's). So here's what happened:
In the morning, I was just chilling in my room on my bed, relaxing back and playing a game on my phone. I started to get that feeling like something was stuck in my throat, deep down inside, as if I had swallowed something so big, I could feel the pressure in my esophagus. If I laid down flat, it felt like more pressure (heavier), but if I sat up, it eased slightly. I also felt the pressure in my throat, too. But when I was laying down, it was so heavy I found myself gasping for air, because I felt like I was choking. It was not enough to freak me out or have me worried, since I'd felt it before, although rarely. I coped with it, and it went away after about an hour.
Later, in the evening, I was laying down again on my bed playing a game, when I felt it coming back. My fiance said that it sounded like anxiety so we looked it up online. All symptoms of chest/throat heaviness pointed right toward anxiety issues, but I blew it off because I wasn't feeling anxious at all, and I figured it would go away like it did before. As my hunny was leaving for the night, we hugged as usual, but it was a little too much tightness for how pinched my chest & throat were feeling already, so I quickly backed off. I said, "I'm feeling claustrophobic", explaining to my fiance, so he understood. I must have been more traumatized by that feeling than I thought, because as soon as I turned around, I felt all my nerves on edge, and I collapsed into a fit of tears. I felt scared of my body, scared of anything. I didn't like how I was feeling with my throat pinched, and that it was getting worse, so I kinda freaked out. I didn't think I was going to die or anything, but for some reason, my body was completely prepared for it. I was in flight-or-fight response mode, high on adrenaline for my own survival. Although, there really wasn't anything to be so worried about. My baby held my arms, supporting me as he looked at the terror in my face and said, "You're having a panic attack". That just freaked me out even more, and I cried and cried. I got ahold of myself a little bit, and when I had calmed down, he took me outside for some fresh air. The cool night air lightened up the weight on my chest a little. Feeling better, we went back inside, although my nerves were still hypersensitive. They quickly got even more sensitive, so I told my fiance to get my Xanax. I collapsed on the floor in another fit of extreme fear and crying, the crying of course being a result of the fear. I guess the right word would be panic: "a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety", which is exactly what I felt. But the weirdest thing is: there was no rhyme or reason to be panicking! So I felt crazy as the panic set in, since there was no reason for me to feel this way. I kept telling myself I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. I crawled to my bed, and laid down, repeating these words to keep myself in control; I did NOT want that to happen again. My nerves were extremely hypersensitive, almost uncontrollable. But I fought it with "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." As my hunny brought me a pill, I just tried to lay as still as possible, trying to get my muscles to stop their spasms. I would not let them take control of me again. My fiance put on some Discovery show at my request; I assumed that would be enough to distract me but not enough to overload my senses. Eventually, I was able to lay completely still without moving, and eventually I returned to normal, followed closely by extremely drowsy.
Nothing even close has happened the rest of the week. Although, the following day, I was more purposefully anxious that it would happen again. Since I had read that being worried about a panic attack is a good cause for one to happen, I tried really hard not to think about it. I also noticed I was feeling a little lightheaded... aftershock?
Anyways, that's what happened and exactly how I felt. I guess if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

I love my new lashes

2011-02-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been over 6 months since I started using Careprost for eyelash treatment, and just look at these lovely lashes. I have mascara on, and I did pencil my eyebrows a bit, but not nearly as much as I used to put on! Here are some recent photos, then I will put up before pix:

Now here is a progression over time!

Week 17 update

2010-10-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

So this is supposedly when I should have maximum results. The pictures for this week don't flatter my lashes quite like the last update's did... it was a different angle, but the lashes are even longer (and I have more of them) than in the previous post. Here's a short update, but soon I will go all out and take lots of pics with good angles, so you can see. I'll also post before/after pics.

After 16 weeks (curled, with mascara, and penciled brows):

Week 13 update

2010-09-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Check out how huge my lashes look already! This is after curling and mascara. Eyebrows are also penciled. Wowww!!

Week 8 Update

2010-08-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

It's been 8 1/2 weeks of using Careprost for eyelash treatment. And I must say.... my lashes are looking GOOD!
Longer, and slightly more lush. Take a look at some pictures. (BTW, I'm still using the first bottle).

Eye on the right is curled, left is not. No makeup.

Below: Mascara + curled, eyebrows penciled in.

Week 4 update

2010-07-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Hey all!
Been 4 weeks of using Careprost (Latisse generic) for eyelash treatment. Just wanted to update you on changes.

Side effects: nothing at all :)

Main effect: More of the same kind of thing from the last update, where I felt like I had more lashes of the same length. Well, there seems to be even more now, and that the longest lashes are getting longer. It's a very tiny difference, really only I notice it. However, my boyfriend has commented that my lashes look fuller (that I have more of them). Even if these were my maximum results with Careprost, I would still be impressed, especially since the stuff is only $10/bottle. I can't wait to see what the next few months will bring! Here are some pix:

First photo: My right lashes are normal, my left ones are curled. No mascara. No brow filler.

Second photo: Same as first, top view.

Third photo: Curled w/ mascara, penciled brows

Week 2

2010-07-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

It's been about 2 1/2 weeks since starting Careprost for eyelash treatment.

Side effects:
Impatience... that's about it, really. It's been a pretty uneventful two weeks. ;)

Main effect:
For about a week and a half I feel like I have had more "good lash" days. You know those days when you put on your mascara and it just seems like your eyelashes are doing exactly what you want them to do... Well it seems that maybe there has been less shedding or something, because I have longer-than-usual lashes closer to the inner corners of my eyes (where my lashes are usually the sparsest and shortest). So I've just had several consecutive good-lash days, but they're not noticeably longer or darker or thicker. Just seems like there are more of them.

(In pictures: Week 2- eyelashes are curled with a curler and have mascara)
That is all for now! :)

How do I get longer, natural eyelashes?

2010-06-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

I've done quite a bit of research on this subject. Most of us interested in adding length and/or volume to our lashes might have heard of the product Latisse, which came out in early 2009, I believe. It's active ingredient (the one that makes the lashes grow) is bimataprost, which is used to treat glaucoma (and was discovered as having a very nice side effect on lash lushness). The cosmetic industry says we who long for lashes can get this FDA-approved version of the bimataprost specifically prescribed for eyelash use for ~$120 per bottle (Latisse). DO NOT GIVE IN AND BUY THIS. This is an absurd rip off. For the effect, it may seem worth it to some. However, you can buy the generic version of this product without a prescription for only $10 per bottle.
The generic is called Careprost. It has the same amount of the same active ingredient bimatoprost in the same size bottle for over $100 less the cost. This amazing deal used to exist as Lumigan, but now they require a prescription for it (someone caught on that they were selling this glaucoma medication with out prescription). The pharmacy where you can buy it is online at "all day chemist [dot] com".
The bottles are $10 each (or $11 if you don't do good enough research), and shipping is a flat $25.
In addition to having maximum results around weeks 5-7, some ladies have experienced dry or itchy eyes and some shedding, however these occur in only some who use it, and usually they experience this unwanted side effects because they are applying too much or are getting it in their eyes.
Some have seen results in 2 weeks, and for some it has taken up to 5 or 6 to see anything change, however, the changes did come and Careprost has done wonderful things for these girls.
Some use two drops for both top eyelash lines and both eyebrows, however I think this is too much as you may experience itchy, dry eyes and your bottles running out faster than necessary. I think it is wise to put one drop on a plastic surface and apply it with a small-tipped piece of plastic (preventing waste in absorption from an eyeliner brush, for instance).
So, let me share with you my experience thus far, and I will continue to do updates on here to share my progress. Enjoy :)
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Ordering/Shipping:
I placed an order through the aforementioned website on Wednesday, June 16. I ordered 8 bottles of Careprost for about $105. I received an email confirming my purchase, and another email on Friday the 18th that my order had shipped. I signed for the package at my doorstep on Thursday, June 23 (that was fast!). It came with my 8 boxes, and they included some eyeliner brushes, and my order confirmation.
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Application:
I apply the product once a day (usually at night, but I don't think it matters). I squeeze out most of a drop (before it actually falls), and spread that onto a piece of plastic I have. Then I use the end of a bobby pin (non-permeable plastic surface that's small enough) to apply the product. I get as close to the root of my eyelash hairs as I can without getting it into my eye, and I use just enough to really moisten the lash line. I always have plenty left over, so I put that where I want fuller eyebrows. The bobby pin doesn't pick up ALL the liquid, so I use my fingertip after it starts getting really low, and just wipe across my whole brows. Nothing wasted! And I don't even use a full drop. :)
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Progress: These are my "before" pictures. My right brow is comparatively sparse, as you can see in the makeup-less first picture. The right lashes are curled with a eyelash curler, the left eyelashes are just normal. Not remarkable in any way. In the second photo, I curled and put mascara on both lashes and filled in my brows somewhat with a pencil. Sorry for the crappy resolution. My digital camera's brokened. ='(

It's been 5 days of using this product (the sixth time will be tonight). I don't expect any results in the next week or two really, because I know that people really start noticing a difference around the 4th week or so.

Dream Story

2010-05-23T15:51:00.001-07:00

The day I quit my job was the day my life ended. My job was my life. It took up most, if not all of my free time. I could've pretty much considered myself a slave, but my title was a live-in assistant. A wealthy businessman named Mr. Ryan Smith, who probably got that way because he was a total workaholic, worked long hours and when he got home to his mansion and family, he needed my help working some more. He didn't leave to work everyday like most people do, he often worked from home. Those were my busiest, most hectic days. "Lia! I need you to pick up my dry cleaning at Royal's, and put it where I will find it tomorrow. The jet leaves with us on it at 9 o'clock sharp. Do you understand?"
"Yes, of course Mr. Smith. Right away," my almost robotic reply was programmed muscle memory in my vocal system. I never really needed to say anything more to him. My job was to make his life easy and I loved it; too much frill of conversation would've probably gotten me fired, which would end us all.
I turned hastily to leave the home office to see if I could make it without likely earshot of him putting in another demand, but I failed again. It's still fun to try to beat my previous record number of steps out the door. And I loved hoping for the little rush of glee I got when he called for me, ever hoping it's to tell me I'm lovely or that he loves me.
"Lia, another thing." I turned on my heels, not moving my position. "Get me a bunch of those organic protein bars, you remember those?"
I knew it. A cross-town journey. I hated going alone. I felt like I'd get mugged if I stopped too long at a red light. Or maybe I was just used to the security Mr. Smith can afford to protect his huge property with in our quiet, suburban neighborhood. Anyway, I would do it happily without hesitation, of course. I breathed in until my chest was tight and sighed with a slight chuckle, "Yes, Mr. Smith." I walked slowly out, but peeked back inside at him as I turned the corner. He was still looking at me, but with a little smile. I skipped until I made it without earshot. I won.
Errands run, grocery bag full of Mr. Smith's favorite protein bars and a bag of expensive suits fresh from the cleaners in hand, I had not been mugged or killed. I dropped off the bars on the marble kitchen counter and headed towards Mr. Smith's room to put away his suits. If I could do it without getting another request, it was another victory. Just as I had been hoping for success of my seeming simple task, the two-way doors forced their way open, nearly taking me out. I slammed against the wall, out of the way. Mr. Smith's son, Will, ran full speed through the door, clutching a book, his face displaying utter terror. He bolted right past me and around the kitchen island. Before I had time to ask myself, Mr. Smith's daughter, Olivia, with the expression of murderous rage, burst through the doors the same way her younger brother had, but brought a completely different feeling through. As she bolted by me, I saw her quickly look at me from the corner of her eye. Ahh, acknowledgement. I knew she couldn't ignore me forever. She's just like her mother; greedy and self-centered, insulted by being in the same room with the help. Her eyes darted back to her brother and her body followed, bringing the rage with it. I had not been harmed in this event, but more importantly, neither did Mr. Smith's suits.
Without further incident, I made my way up to Mr. and Mrs. Smith's ginormous bedroom suite which was more of an apartment within the mansion. Knocking first, with no reply, I entered through the sliding double doors. I hung the suits on the hanger on the closet door. I picked up a few clothes strewn on the floor and bed and put them on top of the over-flowing hamper. I tried mushing it down, but it was so crammed from previous mushings, I gave up and decided today would have to be laundry day. I towed the hamper behind me but stopped to open the curtains and let in some mid-day light. The view of the lower parts of the mansion shown through. I gazed at the marvelous aesthetics of the shapes of the building with the wide, blue sky behind it and the grassy hills.
Slam! I tore my eyes and my heart from the beautiful picture and looked to see the sliding door had been shut (quite loudly) and Mr. Smith stomping to his bed, furiously attempting to undo the buttons on his white collar shirt. He was mad. I did not want to be shut in here much less within a five mile radius of an angry Mr. Smith.
He cursed under his breath as he sat down on his bed, removing his shoes, apparently he'd given up on the buttons. Mr. Smith was not often angry, but when he was it was very frightening. I tend to avoid hostility as much as possible, but there was no escape from this. Perhaps if I stood still enough, he wouldn't see me. He was all too keen of his environment, however; he would eventually notice me. So I decided to make the first move.
"Mr. Smith?" I squeaked out in a controlled, soft tone.
He jumped, startled. He looked over to where the noise came from, his expression still fiery.
"I need you to get me a new phone tomorrow. Not the same one. I didn't like that one anyway," he barked. I wanted so badly to ask, but I did not want to risk turning his anger towards me. I didn't say anything. I picked up the hamper, and ambled slowly over towards the doors. I stopped and turned around. Standing, waiting. I don't know why. But I made my expression soft and consoling, so he couldn't get angrier by looking at me. Maybe. But his head was in his hands, and he wasn't looking.
My feet carried me over to the bed, and made me turn and sit by him. The stress radiated off him, but I hated it touching me. Maybe it was safe to just put my hand on his shoulder. I did so, without reaction. I had never touched him before really. I was secretly glad for this upset, because it gave me an excuse.
Then I could feel him sobbing. And the waves of stress turned into waves of deep, sickening sadness. I knew it was okay to help now. I put my arms around his shoulders and held him while he sobbed quietly. His face, I could see, was wet and it felt hot with his hands on his forehead. I wished he would just tell me what the matter was; he would tell me when he's ready. I tried to think of what could be wrong that would make him react this way. Mr. Smith was not really a crier, to my knowledge. Is the business sinking? Maybe his money is gone? Did someone hurt his feelings? I knew Mrs. Smith hadn't been home a lot lately, maybe...
I held him tighter.
After some time, the sobbing slowed, then stopped. He wiped his face in his shirt and sat up. It was okay to let go. He smiled slightly at me, though red-faced and slightly swollen from crying. He got up and went to the sink to clean up, leaving me on the bed, hoping. The double doors slid open with a little difficulty, for Olivia came through, and she was nearly twelve and worn out from chasing her brother.
"Daddy! Will stole my diary from my room and won't give it back!" she huffed loudly.
Concerned for his feelings, I stood up and went towards her, mouthing, "Not now!", trying to get her out of the room, to her great shock and disapproval.
"No!" she yelled, "Daddy! Tell him to give it --" she trailed off at the sight of her father, who had just turned the corner to see her. She did not expect him to look so weary and I could tell she immediately took notice and changed her tone. "What happened?" she had the inherent right to intrude.
"Where is he? Where's Will?" he stalled, in a quiet tone. "Go get him, will you please?" The vindictive smile I had normally expected was nowhere in sight; she turned cautiously and went out the door.
As soon as her hustled footsteps were cleared, Mr. Smith spoke.
"Lia?" I looked up at him with concern. "I don't know how to tell them...I -- I don't know..." he trailed off, hopeless. A strange, noisy sound rang out; my phone was ringing. Mrs. Smith's ringtone. I pulled out my phone to make double sure, and indeed, it flashed "Mrs. Smith calling" across the screen. I looked up to get Mr. Smith's approval to answer but he had already made his way, furious again, towards me, and he yanked my phone away and opened it to answer.
"Lia is my employee. You are forbidden to call her or ask anything of her, do you understand? We are not to hear from you again," he slammed my phone shut and threw it hard at the wall behind me. I heard it break into pieces and fall onto the dresser and behind it, onto the floor. Ahh, the answer to the new phone question, I chuckled to myself. He interrupted my immature moment, "She won't be coming back. You are not to let her in the house. You are not to take orders from her, understand?"
"Yes, Mr. Smith." I spoke humbly.
"I don't understand what I did, it truly makes no sense to me. Yet, she has robbed me of my heart, my happiness,... my assets. Not much, of course, I never shared everything with her. But my heart, I gave her all of my heart." Mr. Smith was indeed a generous and loving man, once you got past the straight-forward, all-business, commander version of him. Mrs. Smith loved her embellished life, maybe too much. I think she didn't want to be weighed down by her family anymore. That was my guess, anyways. I wondered what would happen now, whether Mr. Smith would need me to work harder, whether he would need me at all, what will happen to the kids, etc. I wish this hadn't happened. I wish things could've stayed the same, but deep down inside I felt that everything had built up to this moment.
The next morning, Mr. Smith left on his jet at 9 o'clock sharp for his conference, despite the life-changing drama he was now drowning in. He decided to take his kids with him. They were extremely upset at yesterday's events, and decided it was best to stick together but also get out of the house for a while.
I had a few weeks in the house to myself which I spent cleaning and tidying up. I decided to take it upon myself to clean out Mrs. Smith's things that she left behind. She had packed most of her things, apparently, but left some old clothes and shoes, some jewelry she didn't like, and beauty items. I kept a pair of shoes that I happened to be fond of, although her feet were a size bigger than mine. The rest I put into plastic bags and carried up to the attic. If Mr. Smith ever decided he didn't want them gone, I could fetch them, but I wouldn't throw them out unless he was okay with it. I guess I would find out when he returned. I also rearranged some of the furniture in the house, to give it a little different feel; they left behind years of built-up emptiness and pain, they would not come back to it.
The house was too quiet for too long now. Especially at night. I went through and turned off all the lights every night, but by the end of the third week alone, it was getting uncomfortably creepy. I had scared myself into staying up later than usual but eventually fell asleep.
I was awoken by a text from Mr. Smith. "Landing this afternoon, Lia. Pls be home." ~Ryan Smith" My rigorous agenda would recommence this afternoon, I thought. Party over, I smiled to myself. But I wasn't smiling for dread of work as much as I was smiling at the thought of seeing Mr. Smith again.
I went out and bought some welcome home decorations just to brighten the place up for the family's arrival. I made sure everything was straightened and there was not a speck of dust anywhere, the house was at a comfortable temperature, there was plenty of food and drink in the fridge, and the decorations were straight. Then I went back to my room, and took some extra time to make myself look pleasing instead of peasant-y. I curled my hair, put on some make-up and a little nicer outfit. I didn't want to be over-the-top or too attention-seeking. Just nice, to make the house look nicer -- and maybe to please Mr. Smith. A little.
I sat myself in the family room, near the door, so that I would be ready to welcome them when they arrived. I read a book, a harmless (and clean) activity, to occupy myself. Expectedly, although it still startled me, keys were knocking on the metal of the lock of the door, and the bolts were undone. I quickly put my book down, stood up, straightened my clothes, and put on a pleasant face.
Mr. Smith came in, luggage in tow, followed by Will and Olivia laughing, and their luggage. They had all looked around and seemed to enjoy the decorations I put up; they were even smiling.
"Welcome home!" I exclaimed with a big smile. Everyone kind of just stared at me; it was a little awkward. Mr. Smith smiled back, "This is nice." It made me elated that I pleased him. Will and Olivia had been laughing about something before, so they continued their funny conversation, running up to their rooms, leaving their luggage behind for me to take care of.
I sighed. "How was the conference?" I asked as if business was a language I understood, but certainly not wanting to address the obvious.
"Good," he replied automatically. "I needed to get away and think. Took the kids to the amusement park a few times, saw some shows. They made friends with other kids at the conference, so they weren't completely bored there."
"I'm glad," I answered contently. I went towards the luggage to resume my duties, but he stepped over and blocked me. Taking my arms in his hands, he smiled a soft smile and spoke in a light voice: "Thank you for what you've done."
I blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean the decorations and being there when I tell you to, but mostly being there when I need you to. You do a lot for me and my family, it has not gone unnoticed."
"Well of course, Mr. Smith, it's my job," I justified.
"Do you know what I've been thinking about these past few weeks?" Obviously not, I lost my mind-reading powers when I was a child from lack of use. "I've been thinking about my priorities. What was happening in my relationship with Nadine was just complete dissolving. I mean, I know I tried to be around more lately, I even got a home office just for that. I took time off to be with her and the kids. I could have done more, though, I could have given her more attention, more love, but it wouldn't have meant anything to her. She just wanted things. There was nothing I could've done but let her do what she did," he explained. His face and voice had a tone of sadness in it, but it seemed that it was more from pity than brokenness. It was relieving to me; maybe things weren't going to change that much after all.
"Also, I've realized that what I've always needed has been right there with me through it all," he looked at me hinting, but I fought it with denial. He could NOT be saying what I was thinking, and secretly hoping, he was saying. I felt blood rush to my head; it was getting warmer, maybe I need to fix the thermostat.
"Umm, I don't really know what you're --"
"Lia," he interrupted my mumbling, "I've been thinking about you and what you mean to me. You're not just my assistant, you're more than that. Your sweetness, your thoughtfulness, your silly antics...just thinking about you has gotten me through the past three weeks." My stomach felt like it was trying to escape my body, and my heart seemed to shoot up into my throat. Even if I had wanted to, speaking of any kind was not going to happen. He broke the day-long silence, "So I thank you, Lia."
I sighed. Almost a year of commands and demands have finally resulted in this gratitude. But was this just gratitude? He left me thank-you notes in obscure places like the lint collector in the clothes dryer, and allowed me a whole week of luxury for my birthday, taking me out to eat and pretty much do whatever I wanted. He was my best friend. Was he trying to say more? Still holding my arms, he pulled me closer and leant his face to mine and continued in a whisper, "and I love you," sealing it with a kiss I could not resist, though my mind raced and I was still in denial that it was all happening. All his love for me was felt in that kiss, there was no thinking against it. I let my mind go, and let myself kiss him back. That was the day I quit my job. My job was my life. My life, as I knew it, is over.

Airport

2010-02-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

Dear computer friends,
I'm at the airport. Security checkpoint was the horrendous, chaotic hassle I always anticipate it will be. The worst is over now. All there is to do is to be at my gate -- I can see it from here -- when they start boarding and make sure I stuff my crap into two carry-on bags. There's not much juice in my laptop and I'm too lazy to find a place to plug it in, so I'm not going to bother with that. I'll let it die when it's time comes, then probably continue reading Twilight. The last half of the book is not my favorite, but I can't start something without finishing it and still feel like an accomplished person. I'm weird like that.
I should be more excited than I am about going to Utah today for the next five or six days. Probably because my excitement has had a pall of pain has been cast over the day. It'll work itself out in time.
I smell greasy fast food and it makes my stomach turn, but I am hungry and it's either fast food or convenient store food. Ugh. I hate airports.

Life

2010-01-24T03:35:00.000-08:00

I was just watching Tuck Everlasting and it got me thinking. I like movies that get me thinking. I've had a couple of scary death dreams lately. One in particular involved me being diagnosed with a terminal disease and I could die at any minute. I was still young, I had love, I wasn't ready to die. I was scared to fall asleep in that I might not wake up. I was scared of what I would find on the other side, if anything. What happened to all those people who lived before me? Tuck says something like don't be afraid of death, death -- like birth-- is a part of the wheel. Be afraid of not living a full life." We often forget the existence of a definite uncertainty: that we never know when our time on earth will end. It could be tomorrow, hit by a drunk driver. It could be in a few days, or in a few months, or a mere few years away. It could be further down the road. Whenever it is, we will never know. It is not for us to decide. God has us here for a reason, and he will relieve us of this burden of earth life when that reason is fulfilled. For some, such as a fetus, the only reason is to gain a body, and in the case of the fetus, perhaps teach an important lesson to his/her family. Everything you do affects everyone around you, and everyone who will come after you in some way. Life on earth is short. In a few years, I will start getting wrinkles and more gray hairs. A few years later, I will have loose skin and frail bones and probably be taking 16 different medications a day just to keep breathing. That's when it gets really scary... death is knocking at the door; it will come inevitably soon. How do older people deal with this fact? When I look at the faces of my family and those I love, I try to capture that image in my mind, because I know it won't be like that for very long. I know that one after the other, I will lose the people I love around me. I wonder how anyone can bear that!? The world is not the same when the people you love and once knew are no longer in it. I don't want to live in that world. The songs like Live Like You Were Dying send good messages about life... we can't control when we go, so it's best to take care of our business while we can, as best we can. Love deeper, speak sweeter, give forgiveness we've been denying... someday I hope I get the chance to live like that... I think someday can be today.

Shopping Bug

2010-01-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

Things could always be worse. In fact, things could look like this:

But I am quite grateful that they do not. This was in Provo last year. I miss only a little of it, but I will NOT complain that the high in Mesa has been around 70 degrees Farenheit so far this January. Why am I talking about weather... that's boring.

Next, I shall venture into a discussion of what's new with me. So here goes. Last week I spent 40 hours in training for a job with no guaranteed hours (yay!) and had a job interview for a position with no guaranteed hours (yay! x wowwww!) and my application to ASU is due by the end of the week (yay! x joyness!). I am finally over that 2.5 week-long cough (yay! - sarcasm). I want a new cell phone. I want to learn to play the guitar and I want to record. I want to live in the book "Twilight" (stake me) and I want to fit in petite clothing again (yes, I did once upon a time). Some of these things are possible. Is it just me, or do you tend to want more when you know you can't have more? Stupid economy...
I don't like giving a wishlist to people for Christmas because then there are expectations, and nobody wants expectations for Christmas. But really, I should wise up and let people know, otherwise I get a lot of stuff I wouldn't have asked for. Not that I'm complaining about any of it... just that there are things I want more. Last night, I dreamt about shopping -- because I can't do it. I almost bought this purse that had "mood"/temperature detection capabilities, so it was always changing color on me. I thought it was just going to stay purple, but it didn't, so I put it back. Maybe I can go to D.I. and get myself one thing. I need a light coat that I can wear with any style of outfit in mild weather. Maybe I will do that today. I like having something new that I want. Is it materialistic of me? Absolutely. It's an improvement in quality of life. It can make you feel good, but it doesn't last, and it's EXTREMELY shallow. But a girl's gotta have clothes!
Ok, I'm going to do something productive now. Have a nice day. :)

Fruit Booter

2009-12-19T11:18:00.000-08:00

I hate this whole not having a job thing. Seriously, I'm getting stir-crazy up in here. The high lack of response from most emails is pretty disheartening. I suppose an on-call job is better than no job at all?? Did I just say that? Yes, I think I just said that. Yes, it is better. I need to make some moneys!
I've tried to be more physically active this week, at the expense of my darned hip. I'm only 23; I shouldn't be having HIP PROBLEMS! On Monday, I went walking; Wednesday, I went for a bike ride; Thursday, I walked and played volleyball. Yesterday, I was going to go ice skating, but that didn't work out, unfortunately. Maybe I will go roller blading today. Fruit-booting, as my old friends would call it. Hahaha.

Small Talk

2009-12-08T11:59:00.000-08:00

Well, my beloved reader, I'm feeling a lack of creativity at the moment, so I will just go straight in to updating. The BYU application is in, and ASU's is due next month. Secretly, if I get in anywhere, I want it to be BYU, just because their program is 100% awesomer than ASU's. Somehow, though, I'm thinking I won't get in to either school because I feel like I'm lacking something. Ugh.... excuse me, it's just that my laffy taffy is not very laffy at all. ANYWAYS....

I learned something new about myself recently. I don't dislike people, or even approaching them... and my sometimes utter refusal to do so is not driven by a lack of self-confidence. The truth is, in fact, that I totally hate small talk. It is absolutely shallow and is a pathetic way for "popular" people to make "friends". Sometimes witty small talk can make a good conversation starter, but I don't think it should ever be dwelled on. It is not unique; anyone can say "Nice weather". You learn nothing about a person from it, except in cases where people like myself who hate the stuff, try to turn it into maybe something deeper. I want to find more people like that; people who want to truly know the person under the shell. Everyone has a shell, but no two people have the same depth. A really cool person won't ask you and everyone else the same questions over and over again, attempting to "get to know" you. They will find out what makes you tick, what kind of sense of humor you have, what nerves not to hit, etc just from talking to you about the room lighting. I think a person who can recognize that is the kind of person I want to get to know. So, you can approach me and talk to me, but don't ask me my line of work, whether I'm in school, who I live with, etc... if you break down my wall by showing me that you REALLY care, then you can ask those questions later. DO comment on what the type of drink says about which stereotypical party we're at. Silly, witty, thoughtful banter usually wins me as long as you aren't being boastful.
That being said, I feel a lot better because I know that it's not an aversion to people or making friends or a lack of self confidence. Sweet.

Ok well I have a job interview soon, so Imma get ready for that now. Ciao!

The Life of the Unemployed Non-Student

2009-11-13T13:37:00.000-08:00

I guess it's been a few weeks since I updated you on the intimacies of my life. I've been literally consumed in studies for the GRE, which I take on Monday, November 23rd at 8am. I'm very worried about getting in sufficient studying to get an acceptable score but I think I'll just have to do the best that I can. Ahhhh!
I do find time to go out with people and do fun things, like watching a particular TV drama on Thursday nights. I also make time to go running or ride the bike. I decided a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to study on Sundays because it's the Lord's day but also because it should be a day of rest. And you know, it's promised that if you make sacrifices of obedience, you will be blessed. I hope those blessings come in the form of a good score since I'm sacrificing study time! But as soon as my test is over, then I will just have to keep busy with finishing up my letter of intent and applications, and then finding a job. Sigh.
You know I never thought I'd get a higher degree (and maybe I still won't!), so it's pretty intimidating to me. I'm really nervous. But I know it will all work out for the best.
I went swing dancing for Halloween, dressed up like a punk witch thing. Did some modeling yesterday, and that was cool... something I always wanted to try.
Chris is in the process of applying to be a police officer with Mesa PD. Dad and Brian are coming down for Thanksgiving. London just received the Aaronic Priesthood, and Forrest is getting baptized next weekend. Awesome family stuff. And there's always the issue of what will happen in the future, and me always worrying about it and not knowing what to do. It's just not stuff I can afford to think about right now. I only have enough brains to finish the Reading Comprehension section for today.
Well, I need to get back to studyin'.... this test isn't going to pass itself!

What I do

2009-10-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've started a new life, in a way. In a new place, with a new (almost non-existent) routine, making new friends. I even have confidence for a change. I still have a hard time sleeping, though. New bed. Trying to fill my time up with things that can take my mind off of my longing and heartache. The GRE test prep does a pretty good job of that. I also do little chores around the house, browse and send resumes to job opps, visit family members, run errands, over-eating and exercise, and of course, a little goofing around.
I'm grateful that I have such a cool ward. School wards just piss me off; they're very shallow and everyone's so worried about appearances. But my ward... my ward is just a big group of friends. And I feel welcomed. Very welcomed, indeed. I don't care that it's mostly all girls. I don't care that the choir is 4 members. I don't care that the bishop didn't notice me. I don't care that there are creepy weirdo guys. I just care that I feel accepted. Finally. It's nice to belong somewhere. To have friends. It's really helped with the transition.
Spending time with family. Let's touch on this. Some of you may know that I am very relationship-centered. My emotions fluctuate with the quality of my relationships with others, especially family, and I pay particular attention to the feelings and interactions that occur in most situations (thanks to working with emotionally-charged teenage girls). Or maybe you don't know -- I'm just finding this out myself. Anyhow, I've been watching a lot of these interactions with my family, particularly my grandparents and my aunt & uncle. Some of the bitterness and selfish thinking and behaviors I've seen have made me feel sad for both sides. I wish better for them. I wish better for myself. I don't want to end up that way. And I can think of one amazing person who loves me so much more than I deserve.... and I don't ever want to give that up. It's just not fair. The time will come to make a choice one day. Whichever choice is made, it will be the right one.

The First Week

2009-10-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

My first week here has been a long and emotional one. Basically, my day consists of goofing around on FB, studying for the GRE, and cleaning my retainers. Interesting, no? I have seen a lot of my cousins, though. I'm happy about that. For a two-year-old Lily has a great vocabulary.
On Tuesday, I visited Chris at work and he helped me put some stuff away in storage. We had a really good talk; like we were getting acquainted with each other as adults. That night, I went to Native New Yorker with Jared, and got me some yummy honey hots! On Thursday, I got a job at Touching Hearts at Home. Also, I helped Uncle Matt grout the floor in the back room and bathroom, then went with my mom to pick up Grandma at the airport. We had Mi Amigos together. On Friday, we had dinner with the Keaster's.... steak and potatoes. Jaiden and Lily were there only. On Saturday, Gramma and I went to the Keaster's again because Matt caught some fish and fried it up. London was there, too. Afterward, I went over to the Kat's Korner for to get on some great swing dancing. I felt so welcomed by people I used to dance with there... I danced a lot of songs, and even asked a couple of people to dance with me! It made me feel accepted and therefore confident. On Sunday, I got all gussied up and had myself a photo shoot, then went to my new ward. I did the brave thing and sat by a girl and introduced myself. She was new, too. We filled out forms and got our pictures taken. It was freezing in Relief Society. But there are a few people I saw on the ward list that I know from like junior high. Micah Bodine, Alyssa Opie, Judy & Danae Blanch... wow haha what a flashback. Well people seem pretty nice there. There were a LOT of girls, but guys eventually showed up after Church started. Bishop hardly looked at me when his counselor tried to introduce me and Alexis to him. He just told us to go do the paperwork. =( Bummer.
And every night this week, I talked on Skype with Jason. I do miss him so much, but I need to remind myself that it's not good for us to be together... not 'safe'. I think there may come a day when I will have to make a difficult decision, one that is a major life-changing decision. You know how I hate those. I don't know what I'll do but hopefully I'll be in a place where the Spirit can guide me to make the right, the better choice.
I need to keep up with running. It's too cold to swim, otherwise I would do that instead. Need to go study, too. Bye.

In a daze

2009-10-13T00:17:00.000-07:00

So I'm in Mesa now. I don't know how it happened. I was just minding my own business, living in Provo, and then 12 hours later I live in Mesa. Like, whoa. What the freak just happened? Some hole must've ripped open in the space-time continuum because I do not remember bringing most of myself with me. That includes my heart. I wonder when it will all sink in? I feel like I'm living in a dream right now. It's probably the caffeine crash talking.
Yeah, unreal. I need to see this area in the daytime because we got here at 10pm and I'm disoriented. I will go about and navigate the area tomorrow probably. I need to dump some crap in my storage space and fill out a change of address and go bother my brother. Also, I should find a way to work out. Maybe I will swim if it's not chilly yet. Or wet my hair and go running. Grandma says I shouldn't run because I will ruin my knees. Sounds like a personal problem.
I just know of one place I wish I could be but it is far away from here. The same is a bane to my life. Torture, much? Yes please, I'll take two. -Sigh- I hope it rains.
Still in a daze.......................

Dread

2009-10-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

Still looking for a job. Ugh, this is the scary part.
What's new, what's new.... oh yes I'm working a few more shifts at work before I leave. The rest of the week I will be packing and cleaning and moving my shiz out. It's scary and weird to break tradition like this. I like things the way they are and I don't want them to change. Not one bit! But they need to change. I'm just dreading it.

I'm minimizing sugar intake again. I'm gonna try to only eat sweets lightly on the weekends (Sat & Sun). Daily desserts is not a healthy habit.

Ugh!! I feel so unmotivated to do anything! This moving thing SUCKS! ='(

Random Thoughts!

2009-10-02T04:09:00.000-07:00

My mind is going crazy. I just need to say some stuff that's on my mind.
1. Whoever Skankerella is, she needs to put some clothes on.
2. Jason, although this is not our time, I don't want you out of my life. I still love you and you are still a wonderful guy with a lot to offer. And you mean so much to me.
3. I don't want to work from 11am - 3pm today. But it's not for very long. I'm just worried about doing the leadership thing. I hope I don't screw it up.
4. I hate that I'm a slow reader. I wish I was done with this book already ("Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osten).
5. How does caffeine go about making me DROWSY? Really right now?
6. Omg I ate so much ice cream last night... hahaha....
7. Dear guys who want to date me: Be my friend first because at this point, I don't know what I want and I won't be able to show interest in you at this time. I'm in transition and I'm still in love with someone.
8. Should I sell/give away my storage items or keep them for one day when I live somewhere unfurnished? I'd just like to save that extra $25/month in storage fees.
9. I wonder what ever happened to that storage key I tried mailing to my mom?
10. I'm glad Mom and I chatted on the phone the other day and I'm glad that Jason didn't come up in the conversation.
11. Gosh I hope I can find a job soon.
12. I need to clean this computer.
13. I want to start a family SO BADLY right now. I'm so jealous of my friends who have a spouse and babies. I want babies!! Ohhhhh! So so so so much!
14. My thoughts are so loud right now. I can't concentrate. I need more than 2 hours of sleep when I get home. I'll be getting on a normal sleep schedule again - yay!

P_R_A_Y_E_R: my anti-drug

2009-10-01T04:24:00.000-07:00

Wow finally got those blasted braces off! I kinda miss em, you know? Cuz it's been a year and a half. Well, I am still very satisfied with my new and improved smile. I'm looking forward to showing it off to everyone. I definitely feel more confident. Now to lose that blasted weight...

Been trying to make my blog more user-friendly and also more individualistic. Let me know how you like the new scheme!

My last shift at Stara is tomorrow night. I will definitely miss the girls! But I will definitely not miss the weird sleep schedule. I've applied to several jobs, and I intend to apply to however many more it takes before I get a job. How hard can it be for a college grad? I'm taking whatever I can get at this point, so maybe that's makes me a shoe-in? *shrugs*

ASU's MFT program doesn't require the GRE, but I will probably still take it and apply to BYU just in case. I'd rather not live in Provo again, unless there's a certain path I'm supposed to take.

I hope my car isn't completely trashed. It's been running pretty crappily lately and I've been worried. Yesterday, I was driving for just a little bit and the radio kept turning on and off on its own. I don't think it's supposed to do that.

Well, it just looks like things are going to work out for my move to AZ after all. I've accepted the inevitable- the fact that I will feel completely alone despite being surrounded by my family. I just put my faith in the Lord that as it has worked out for me to go, it will work out for me to not be miserable. I guess there's a certain amount of control I have over that, but when it comes to my emotions, I don't have much control at all. I pray that I will, and I pray that my heart can heal quickly.

Good stuffins

2009-09-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

A big sigh of relief in the life department for me. My Pullen grandparents are going to be driving back from Utah on the 12th and said they would help me move some of my stuff down to their house in Mesa, where they're going to let me stay! I will have to ask the girl buying my contract to wait a little longer, however, and that'll be hard. But whatever day she wants to move in, I can just stay at Aunt Iva's for those days before my grandfolks are ready to leave. This means I've settled the following concerns:

*whether my car can make it to AZ

*having some boxes shipped to myself

*where i am going to live

*if i will get my retainers before i leave

PLUS I will have an extra week to finish packing and maybe meet up with some friends to say goodbye. I could also cover a couple of shifts that week if necessary. I could also meet with my counselor one last time.

Oh that reminds me! My Bishop called me out of the blue last night just to check up on me and say hi! Because he knows I'm leaving soon, and he referred me to my counselor, and he knows about a lot of the stuff that's been going on with my life. He cares about me!! Oh that's the best feeling!

By the way, I don't like to be told what I should feel. I think that's something I learned about myself recently.

Dreams come true, but not always how you want

2009-09-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

You know how some people have a list of things they want to do before they die? Well one of those things just got crossed out on my list. I found my brother and sister.

Long story short, after divorcing my dad, their mom took them across the country, changed their last names, changed their addresses and phone numbers, etc. The twins were just five at the time. The last time I saw them was Christmas of 2000. I probably haven't actually contacted them for some 4 or 5 years. Lately, I'd been having dreams about meeting them, so I would check to see if there was anything online about where they might be and how I could reach them. But now it seems secure; They've had Facebook for two days now, and I happened to do a search for them last night and found them. I knew this would one day happen, I just didn't know when! But I'm so excited to finally have a relationship with them! They asked me to call them tomorrow, and that makes me smile. I'm glad that they do not have a negative image of me and Chris. That would've torn my heart apart. There are still a lot of things that need to be resolved; it's quite overwhelming, but I just need to have patience. No change for good can happen overnight. It will take time and love and truth. I hope I can facilitate a change for the better.

A Little Hope

2009-09-21T23:02:00.001-07:00

I was supposed to get my braces off today but was rejected since I had a little gap. Grr! Very disappointing. I have to wait until next Wednesday. But today was still fun, nonetheless. Just mostly hung out with my bestie. We played Guitar Hero, got some foods, etc. It was chill and fun.

Still looking for a job. Going to e-mail some more inquiries tonight. Some people back in Mesa have referred me to a couple of places I could live. If the rent and location are reasonable, I'd totally go for it. Chris called me the other day telling me that he mentioned to someone from our old ward that I was looking for a job and that I should expect a call. SWEET! My brother rules! We'll see if it works out. That would be awesome.

I can't believe I'll be moving so soon! It's hard to imagine. I'm scared and I don't want to leave. But only good things can come of this. I just have to keep telling myself that. -Sigh- At least I will have my family there to support me.

P.s. - I love Charlie the Unicorn - BAHahahahaaaa

Drama Magnet

2009-09-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

Barely awake for 4 hours and already this day has lived up to absolute suckage. BLAHHHHH.

First, I wake up to 16 text messages. One is from Chris asking why Mom is telling him, in essence, that I don't love her anymore, and 15 are the pictures I asked Jason to send me. Pictures that I just wanted to upload on my computer, that I would have to forward to my email. That's 30 texts... grr. Not as big of a deal, since he did do what I asked. It was my fault for not specifying.

Then, one of my facebook friends has people making irreverent references to body parts on her status. I replied, saying it was disgusting, and she replied saying that I need to relax, it was just Facebook, everyone has these parts anyway, sex is natural, blah blah blah. I replied that having sensitivity to morality issues doesn't make me uptight and that uptightness must be relative; and sure enough she deletes me from her friends and says she's not going to judge me but also doesn't want to be judged... WTF?! Hypocrite, much? Overreacting much? Mmmm yes. Chill pills definitely need to be prescribed here.

Then, one or two co-workers are going overtime this week and need me to come in early to cover them because of it. The problem is, all 3 carpooled to work together, so all 3 need to leave at the same time, which means that all 3 need replacements at 9:30. I had planned to see Jason tonight, since I didn't get to see him yesterday because of work....

All I want to do is see Jason. After all this stupid drama, I just want him to hold me and kiss my forehead and tell me I'm still awesome.

What a stupid way to start the day. Not even a little bit of Jason to make it all better. =(

My Sweetest Blessing

2009-09-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

Wow hey! It's Wednesday. Anyway...

There's a certain cleansing feeling that comes from getting rid of junk I never use. Today I went through bathroom stuff and a few more books. I probably wouldn't go through stuff of my own accord. It's only because I'll be moving soon. This is the plan still, anyways. I hope it works out. I don't even know where I'm going to live. Heh. Or work. Thankfully, I have last resort back-ups. That puts me quite at ease.

I am worried that I won't have enough time to study for the GRE. Ideally, I would take it next month, but I won't be ready at all. Late November at the latest. I'll see what I can do. I'm worried, though.

I bought another pair of earrings on Ebay. They're several little cubic zirconia surrounding a middle stone. They're size 2 gauge. They have screw-on backs, so they're much easier than the 4g ones I had, which were grooved for o-rings. These new ones make me look like I'm majorly blingin'.

For work/internship I'm putting together leadership outlines from a couple of books. The one I'm doing now is 7 Habits by Covey. It was really good for me to go through and read/review it, especially the first habit.... Be Proactive. I've realized that I've been more reactive than proactive lately, and I need to get over that. This has been a blessing to me.

Another blessing in my life has been my best friend, Jason. I don't know how I would've made it through this past year without his love and understanding. Those are two very deep words. Spelling the words out alone does not do justice to the weight of what he has done for me. This is something that matters SO much to me. It's good to feel the gratitude constantly. He deserves it. Love you, Jase! You know, I wouldn't have met him in the great circumstances that I did if I hadn't been struggling at the Phoenix. I wouldn't have been struggling at the Phoenix if I wasn't asked to switch from the Focus to the Phoenix. I wouldn't have been asked to switch if I didn't get the job at the Journey. I wouldn't have gotten the job if I didn't work in Veg Prep with a co-worker who suggested I apply. I wouldn't have worked in Veg Prep if I hadn't moved to Utah. I wouldn't have moved to Utah if I didn't get accepted to BYU. I wouldn't have gotten accepted to BYU if I hadn't been a good student. I wouldn't have been a good student if I hadn't had good role models and guidance. Thus, I attribute one of the greatest blessings in my life (Jason), to one of life's greatest blessings: good role models and guidance. I thank my Heavenly Father for the wonderful blessings he has so cleverly and graciously conferred on me.

Life is sweet.

A Maundering

2009-09-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

I'm really proud of Jason with all that he's been working on lately. I'm really happy for him. I still wonder if it will feel right later on. I don't see why it shouldn't, but I guess I will just have to get worthy and figure it out. Grr, I hate not knowing. I know I have a choice in the matter; that's not the issue. The issue is how can I make the best choice. I don't want to go into anything with doubt or fear, but since I'm somewhat traumatized by constant divorce in my family, I think fear is going to be natural for me when it comes to this stuff. But I know Heavenly Father will help me out; He knows what's up.

I'm grateful to Jason for helping settle some of my concerns and stressors. I'm so glad he's still willing to help me figure stuff out. He's so handy like that. Makes me feel like I really need him -- for life skills, for emotional support, etc. He's a good man.

Right now I'm trying to learn several grips of new words. It's fun but also quite overwhelming. I hope I can remember them, or at least the root words. I just discovered there's a math section to this test. -sob- That'll be the worst of it.

I've found myself giving money to an increased number of charitable causes. It's mainly because it's asked for, and God commanded us to give of our substance - you know, from the stuff we've been given. That's like consecration, right? Well I wouldn't have mentioned it here publicly, but some have inquired so I thought I'd let them know the basics of WTF I think I'm doing.

Everyone and their mother (literally) is being let go from their jobs nowadays and that sucks. What kind of asinine (vocab word) individual must I be for voluntarily quitting and looking elsewhere? That's worrisome. There are few but significant cons to leaving Utah to which adjustment will be arduous (vocab word).

The night shift kinda sucks, but it has its perks. For instance, I can beguile (vocab word) the night doing whatever I want. Also, I've found myself starting to pity those who go to bed when it's still dark outside, as if they are children or something. Haha. Babies.... jk I'm sure no one is too jealous of my schedule.

I've picked up running again just within the last month or so. I didn't make it to my goal last semester, but over the summer I've generally maintained my weight. With more running, I am more hungry more often which can be adverse (vocab word) if there is a brownie pan nearby. I try to go a little further every day if I can. I went for 25 minutes today. I run about a 12-minute mile, so I went 2 miles today. I remember when I would go 4-5. Ha ha ~ Oh the hilarity. =)

K that's about it. Loves.

Going?

2009-09-09T02:17:00.000-07:00

So my family in Arizona has been begging me back since the day I left. I will have finished my undergraduate internship by the end of September and have planned on moving back then. I'm a strong believer in things working themselves out the way that God feels is best for me. This is how it works: I make a decision, then put my trust in Him. Every time I have done this, without fail, I looked back and heaved a sigh of relief at what would've probably been a worse scenario.

This time, I'm going to make the moves to get ready to go to Arizona, and if this is what will make me happiest, God will make it happen.

However, some things have come to my mind that I am stressed about. I don't know if my car can make it. I don't know whether I will have help carrying my stuff down to AZ or if I will have to ship stuff to myself. I don't have a job lined up yet. I don't have a place to live. I would've liked to be in Utah when I ask my professors for grad school recommendation letters, but I know I have other options of I am out-of-state. These are pretty big factors. I know I still have three weeks to figure it out, but that's not much time. Who knows? Things may just work out at the last second.

Yeah, I'm studying for the GRE. It's required to apply to grad school, which I want to do this year. My first choice is ASU because it's right there. I would also do U of A or BYU (only because it's cheap tuition, mind you). We'll just wait and see. Do they give scholarships to grad students? I still have a lot of learning to do. Especially within the likes of hundreds of new vocabulary words for this ridiculous test to which I've enslaved myself. Well, I'm a good test-taker so even if I'm suffering from brain deficiency, I can use logic and reasoning to figure out the answers.

Quote of the yesterday:

"No, Jakeb, the only true excitement out of life is from watching other people play sports and get paid millions of dollars doing it. Otherwise, life is not worth living. Just ask the starving orphans in Africa." ~ me

mmm yeah I disagree with the having people who get paid ridiculous monies and incentives to play sports. Their purpose is pure entertainment, like an actor or a singer. Really, I think it's bogus and that much money could be used for a lot more -- oh I don't know -- life-saving pursuits. It especially bugs me that zoobies are so obsessed about their football games. Get lives, people!

Today I get to work a 13.5 hour grave shift (yayyyy). o_o

I'm just staying to observe a process group and activity with the girls. It's for my internship. Ok time to study.

Leave me comments. =)

An Intro of Interest

2009-07-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

Hey fans!

Here's a blog for people who just can't get enough out of the creepishly thorough stalking capabilities Facebook has to offer, and just HAVE to know the details about the Stax.

This is the third of three blogs I have. The oldest was started in 2004, after I left for college, is private, and is mostly used for clearing my head. The second is a collection of writings, which I haven't updated in forever. I decided to have something detailed online with which to inform the masses regarding myself. Hence, you are reading this.

In this here blog, I will be bringing the funny that is my life (sometimes) and other people's lives (most of the time).

K bye for now.